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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30042780">No, I'm Not Afraid Of The Fall</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiinAandeg/pseuds/MiinAandeg'>MiinAandeg</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Put My Heart To The Side [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Final Fantasy XII, Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Pre-Slash, Psychological Trauma, Trauma Recovery</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:40:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,452</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30042780</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiinAandeg/pseuds/MiinAandeg</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Healing through force is not healing at all, it is only another act of violation</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Riku &amp; Terra (Kingdom Hearts)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Put My Heart To The Side [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1399429</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>No, I'm Not Afraid Of The Fall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Oh look it's me with part 2, nearly two years too late. Hi. Sorry about that. I ran into a writer's block in 2019 and then returned and wrote the last 2/3rds in the last month. I hope you like the end result! I had a lot of fun playing around with the FFXII mechanics and meshing them with Kingdom Hearts but you definitely don't need to have played FFXII for this to make sense. The focus is primarily on Terra coming to terms with his darkness. There is a part 3 planned which will have the actual slash content. I hope to come out with it sometime this year but I need a break from these two after this month haha</p><p>Title from Scared of The Dark by Lil Wayne &amp; Ty Dolla $ign</p><p>Comments/kudos are of course greatly appreciated. You can find me on Tumblr under the same name.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Terra sits beside the Wood-Warder, Njra, on the tree branch, staring into the gnarled trees that eventually give way to the swirling nothingness of darkness. There’s something strange about this land and its darkness. Even after a month, he hasn’t quite been able to parse out just what it is, only that the darkness here doesn’t feel dangerous. It’s pure in a way.</p><p>
  <em>“It feels like the ocean.”</em>
</p><p>Riku’s words echo in his head as he thinks. It’s what he’d said when Terra mentioned his thoughts after his first day joining the Wood-Warders on their watch at the edge of the village.</p><p>
  <em>“It can drown you, or you can float along and doze.”</em>
</p><p>The darkness inside him rolls, rising to the surface the longer he stares out into the wood and on instinct, he tenses, ready to shove it down. Njra taps his shoulder with her bow.</p><p>“Let go,” she says, as she’s said every day since his arrival. If he could see her eyes, instead of having them be shrouded by the metal of her helmet, he’s sure she’d be rolling them in exasperation.</p><p>“Sorry,” he says, because it’s too late. Once his defenses are up, it takes hours for them to come back down.</p><p>She sighs. “Well, come on then. Back to the village.”</p><p>Terra gets to his feet and takes a moment to close his eyes and breathe, determined to leave his frustration behind before going back. Njra waits and then they set off together on the winding path through the trees.</p><p>His days have settled into a routine. Morning began with meditation with Riku, Fran, and Njra on a quiet platform on the edge of the village, then breakfast, and then off to the edge of the wood with Njra. The afternoon would be sparring, and the last few hours he’d spend with the Viera leader, Jote. The structure helps him relax. Helps him focus.</p><p> And yet despite that, he can't run away from the instinct to cage his darkness and the fear that should he let it free, he'll be consumed by it once more. Njra remains a patient mentor.</p><p>"It is only easy for us because we live in with it in the air," she says as they walk back towards the village. "You are trying to undo a lifetime of instinct and it's only been a month. Be patient."</p><p>"Maybe there’d be less pressure to learn faster if Fran were allowed to leave while I stay here," he says.</p><p>Njra slings her bow over her back as they pass through the village gates. "Fran knew she wouldn't be able to leave while you stayed, and she wouldn't not have made the offer to bring you here if she couldn't bare it. Fran is selfish. She'd leave if it bothered her too much."          </p><p>Terra bites his tongue, knowing his opinion mattered little. A woman willing to return to a home she'd rejected and that had rejected her in turn to help better the life of a man she'd just met hardly seemed selfish, but he was under the impression he was missing at least a century's worth of history.</p><p>"Can you find your way to the training grounds from here?" Njra asks.</p><p>"Yes, thank you," he says.</p><p> Njra nods and vanishes in a blur of mist and the smell of ozone. Terra weaves his way through the other Viera who have begun their day making salves, clothing, preparing food, or whatever other odd job they have. In his short time there, he's learned that while they enjoy small luxuries that help enhance their beauty, they are at their core a practical group of warriors and historians, maintaining traditions going back generations and protecting the wood. A few mornings ago, Njra had spoken with derision of the Viera who left.</p><p>Greedy. Selfish. Power-hungry.</p><p>While this way of life was something Terra thought could help him heal, he can't see any of those words applying to Fran. Sure, the wood's proximity to darkness and the way it could turn creatures into beasts that needed to be defended against provided some sort of entertainment, some sort of thrill to break up the monotony of day to day life, but he can't see how longing for something more made one a bad person. Then again, he knows he's only been there a short time and his opinion on the matter is more than likely uninformed.</p><p>The Viera keep their secrets from him. He's sure there's a reason the Wood-Warders sit on the edge of the village and stare into the darkness. There's a reason they store food and medicine. They live with the darkness, use it to their advantage, but even with how peaceful the village feels, he can't shake the feeling that they're simply biding their time for something to come along and try and take it from them.</p><p>"Any luck today?" Riku's voice jars him out of his thoughts and he realizes with a start he's made it to the large platform that spans across the branches of several trees and serves as a training ground for young Wood-Warders.</p><p> Fran is at the far end, walking between two rows of Viera children diligently working on carving bows.</p><p>"No," Terra says. "I just can't shake the instinct."</p><p>Riku frowns, the disappoint clear in his eyes and that just makes the shame he'd been feeling curl up into a hard lump in his stomach. "You'll get there."</p><p>Terra nods. "Right."</p><p> </p><p>-.-</p><p> </p><p>“If you continue like that, you’ll grind the herbs out of existence and you’ll have to go gather more,” Jote says.</p><p>Terra blinks into the bowl he’d been grinding various herbs in. There’s a crack in the pestle he’s holding and he can see threads of darkness moving in the veins of his hand. His stomach rolls and he drops the items on the rug.</p><p>“Don’t fight it,” Jote says, her voice cutting through the roar of his blood rushing through his ears as his heart pounds.</p><p>But like this morning, it’s too late. He’s already pushed the darkness down and away, slamming the door shut on it as if it will help. Jote sighs and sets his items to the side.</p><p>“You’ll exhaust yourself this way,” she says, reaching out and nudging his chin with her hand to make him meet her eyes. “You are not like most Humes. You have an affinity to the darkness and fighting it is a war you will lose no matter how many battles you win.”</p><p>“Is that supposed to be comforting?” Terra asks.</p><p>Jote shakes her head. “The Viera do not comfort each other with useless platitudes. We face reality head on. If we do not, we lose ourselves to the darkness that we are born from. We know better than to reject that which gives us life and protects us. It is a lesson <em>you </em>need to learn.”</p><p>“But why am I different from everyone else?” Terra asks.</p><p>“I cannot answer that,” Jote says. “I know we have seen Humes from all walks of life like you so it is not as if you are alone in this. There is no rhyme or reason to this affinity. It is simply nature.”</p><p>Terra looks down at his lap, mind racing. Despite what Jote says, he knows she must be wrong because humans are not normally like him, which means as a human he’s broken in some way. There’s something wrong inside him that makes him a conduit for a force of evil.</p><p>“Tell me about Ventus,” Jote says. “The boy of pure light.”</p><p>Thinking about Ventus is certainly easier.</p><p>“Ventus is…so good,” Terra says. “He could make friends with anyone. He only left our home to go make friends in the first place and he has so much kindness in him. There’s no darkness to taint what he can give the world.”</p><p>Jote nods and picks up his mortar and pestle before pouring some water into it and setting to work. “But great lights cause the greatest shadows do they not?”</p><p>“Vanitas does exist as Ventus’ shadow, yes,” Terra says. “And his very existence distorts reality and spawns violent creatures as a result of that darkness.”</p><p>“You said he controls them,” Jote says, reaching to her own bowl and adding its contents. “So, they could be something other than violent, could they not?”</p><p>Terra frowns. “<em>Vanitas</em> is violent. He <em>is</em> pure darkness.”</p><p>Jote raises an eyebrow. “Is he? Didn’t you say Xehanort was his mentor, or perhaps master, as Eraqus was yours? And were you not manipulated yourself by Xehanort?”</p><p>“I-“ Terra starts.</p><p>“Is it not possible that Vanitas was also manipulated?”</p><p>Jote turns back to her work as Terra stews in his thoughts. Because he wants to argue but it’s not as though Jote is entirely wrong. At no point was Vanitas ever parted from Xehanort’s influence. Xehanort needed a monster and so he made a monster. He needed a body, so he manipulated someone, <em>Terra,</em> into giving up his. Ventus maintained still that Vanitas was not evil incarnate, content to smile at Aqua and Terra’s disbelief and say <em>“You just don’t know him.</em>”</p><p>Perhaps he was right.</p><p>“Here,” Jote says, handing him back his mortar and pestle. “It just needed a little care to get back on track.”</p><p>Terra cradles the mortar in his hands and takes the new pestle she hands him. “Thank you.”</p><p>“Now finish the work.”</p><p> </p><p>-.-</p><p> </p><p>He sleeps easier in the village than he did in Radiant Garden, but he still wakes up from nightmares with more frequency than he'd like. Riku slumbers on in his cot on the other side of the small hut they were given to share. He sighs and gets up, tousling his own hair as he passes through the doorway and onto the walkway.</p><p>At night, the village is still, quieter than any place he can think of. It's dark too, the moon's light too weak to make it through the trees. He sits down on the pathway and lets his feet dangle over the edge and resting arms and then head on the small ropeway that serves as a makeshift guide for the path.</p><p>He tenses on instinct when Riku’s breathing eases out of the deep sighs of sleep. Guilt washes through him as he listens to Riku stir and notice his absence, wishing he could exist without causing fear and worry whenever he was out of sight.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Riku calls.</p><p>“Yes,” Terra says. “Just thinking.”</p><p>“Want company?”</p><p>“I…”</p><p>
  <em>Yes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No. </em>
</p><p>He’s spent so long sharing his space with others. Xehanort. Ansem. <em>Riku</em>. And yet while he craves solitude, it scares him. How does he trust himself not to fall into darkness when he’s given in before with such disastrous results?</p><p>“Terra?” Riku asks.</p><p>He stands beside him on the pathway, dressed in dark grey sweatpants and no shirt.</p><p>“Sorry, I got lost in my thoughts,” Terra says as he watches Riku sit down beside him and loop his arms over the rope guides.</p><p>“Happens to me too sometimes. I forget my mind is my own and get lost trying to make sure it’s just me,” Riku says.</p><p>“I just…” Terra stares out into the dark forest. “I don’t know what I want more. To be alone or be with someone. I don’t know if I can be trusted on my own.”</p><p>“That’s not why I came out here,” Riku says. “I trust your control.”</p><p>“Then you’re an idiot,” Terra says before he can stop himself.</p><p>Riku snorts. “Yeah? Even if you did fall to the darkness inside you, I could defeat and contain you. I trust myself enough. Maybe you can trust me until you can trust yourself.”</p><p>“If only it were that simple,” Terra says.</p><p>“I know it’s not. When I…when I first fell to darkness, when I was wandering around Castle Oblivion with Ansem fighting my every move, I had to trust the King,” Riku says. “He kept me safe until I learned to do it myself. It’s not weakness.”</p><p>“Maybe not. But I always thought I was going to protect you, not the other way around,” Terra says.</p><p>"You did though,” Riku says. “I spent a year in Ansem’s body with you at my back keeping me safe.”</p><p>“But I hurt you too. I helped Ansem <em>fight</em> you,” Terra says.</p><p>“Yeah, and I almost killed my best friend more than once,” Riku says. “We made mistakes, but we’ve done good things too. We’ve corrected those mistakes.”</p><p>“But-“</p><p>"You’re not going to convince me you’re a bad person,” Riku says and Terra can hear the smile in his voice. “A bad person wouldn’t fight as hard as you have, or as long as you have.”</p><p>“But I’m broken. I have a proclivity to darkness that other people don’t have because something is wrong with me at my core. There has to be. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I fight, no matter how many people I save, there’s something in me that makes me <em>wrong,</em>” he says, tone frantic and desperate and he scrambles up to his feet, unable to stay still and staring into the darkness.</p><p>Riku stands up to, the concern in his face clear even with only the dim light of the candles from their hut.</p><p>“Terra, take a deep breath,” he says.</p><p>Terra obeys on instinct, just grateful for a command, something he can just obey and not think about. Being in control is too difficult. But he can listen. He can follow orders. He can-</p><p>He jerks when Riku’s hand brushes his, but it’s too late to stop his body’s instinctual reaction. It rises up in him, cold as ice before wrapping around Riku’s wrist. Darkness. Pulsing with a faint blue and orange light. Riku doesn’t even twitch. When Terra looks up at Riku’s face, Riku doesn’t seem concerned.</p><p>“It’s okay,” Riku says. “Just look at me and keep breathing.”</p><p>Terra meets his eyes, focusing on them as hard as he can instead of the sensations washing through him. Shadows flicker over Riku’s face. He ignores them. Riku’s fingers twine with his as his darkness begins to retreat all on its own. He keeps breathing. Riku lets go.</p><p>“See? You’re fine. You’re not dangerous,” Riku says, then smiles. “You just have a really sensitive threat response.”</p><p>“Is that a clinical term?” Terra asks, mouth feeling dry as he lets go of Riku’s hand.</p><p>“Ienzo has been sending me psychology books. I was mostly reading them for myself, but well…we have a lot in common,” Riku says.</p><p>"I guess I should probably go back to bed," Terra says. The last thing he wants to do is prolong this conversation and give himself more of an opportunity to mess it all up again.</p><p>"Alright," Riku says. His voice is casual but even in the dim light, Terra can see that he's disappointed. "I'll head back in later. Give us both some time, yeah?"</p><p>Terra appreciates the gesture.</p><p> </p><p>-.-</p><p> </p><p>Golmore Jungle is an interesting place - beautiful and horrifying all at once. It's an unforgiving environment teeming not with Heartless, but with wild creatures, all of them predatory not only to each other but the Viera as well. Patrolling alongside Fran and a group of three warrior trainees is an exercise in patience of his...sensitive threat response.</p><p>It's either that or his hero complex. It's hard to wait by the side lines and watch the young girls dispatch their foes without interfering. The oldest of them, Caern, is sixteen and fights better than Ventus and the youngest, a twelve-year-old archer named Pjra, draws arrows only a little slower than Fran. The last, a fifteen-year-old named Maia, wields a pair of knives and somehow manages to disappear from sight when he looks right at her. They're more than capable as fighters. He and Fran are only around in case one of the jungle's far scarier beasts comes out.</p><p>"They're rare," Fran says as they meander along behind the group. "They are protectors of the Wood and prefer to slumber unless there is a big enough disturbance to the darkness. Or if we try to leave."</p><p>Terra frowns. "The Viera can't leave?"</p><p>"We can, but it angers the Wood to be rejected," Fran says. "I do not know how to explain the relationship Viera have with her to Humes. She...is like a jealous mother. She feeds you, cares for you, helps you grow strong, but she traps you too. You can only grow the direction she asks, not the way that is best. Even when you leave, you can still hear her voice."</p><p>"Isn't that invasive?" Terra asks. It sounds so much like what he fought to escape, it's hard to imagine willingly chaining himself to a location that is somehow sentient.</p><p>Fran just laughs at his question. "I certainly think so. Jote would disagree. So would many of the others. To them, there is freedom in such a life. It's just not the freedom I wanted."</p><p>"Why did you leave?" Terra asks, the words popping out of him before he can think them through.</p><p>"That is not a conversation we can have when there are prying and impressionable eavesdroppers," Fran says, raising her voice as she looks ahead to the trainee's whose ears are flipped towards them.</p><p>"I guess not, no," Terra says with a smile.</p><p>"I do think this place is good for healing though, which is why I wanted to bring you here in the first place," Fran says. "It gives you peace long enough to reflect."</p><p>Before Terra can say anything else, he's interrupted by the cry of one of the Coeurl cats as it tears out of the branches above them and pounces on Pjra. Caern moves fast, twirling around and ramming her spear through its head with enough force to drive it back, giving Pjra time to scramble to her feet and retreat back as the other two engage it head on. Fran draws her bow and Terra frowns. On this patrol, the group has faced way more challenging foes.</p><p>Fran whistles and that's when he feels it. The air grows thick, the odd shimmering gold and black mist that is the darkness in this strange world stealing over the ground and wrapping around the trees. Caern knocks the Coeurl off the platform and then grabs Pjra, hauling her towards Fran.</p><p>"What's wrong?" Terra asks.</p><p>"Something is coming from the Feywood," Fran says. "Maia, take Pjra back, quickly!"</p><p>Maia nods, wrapping an arm around Pjra and disappearing like a cool breeze, leaving the three of them standing on a narrow platform that grows darker by the second.</p><p>"Are we fighting it?" Caern asks.</p><p>"What comes from the Feywood must not make it back to the village, we stop it here," Fran says.</p><p>Terra wants to ask what the Feywood is, and why it is that what comes out of it reeks of a sick and corrupted darkness so different from that which lurks beneath Eruyt Village. He doesn't get a chance because the next moment, the platform begins to shake. Shrieking clicks fill the air like the call of a preying mantis, a thought Terra wishes he never had as four large insects, red and white and grey in color, drop from the trees above them, long pincers and claws clacking together as their lower legs carry them closer.</p><p>Caern lets out a battle cry and charges into the thick of it, spear whistling as Fran begins to fire arrow after arrow into the thick insect husks. Terra summons Earthshaker and leaps into the fray back to back with Caern, blocking one swipe of the insect's huge claws before slashing down and cracking the protective husk in one blow. The creature lets out a deafening cry and he ducks under another swipe of its claw before severing it from its body with another slash. He doesn't have time to enjoy the brief win.</p><p>A blow to his back sends him flying across the platform and he only slows himself by sinking his keyblade into platform to stop his momentum. He's back on his feet seconds later, ready to charge back in but Fran steps in front of him, throwing an arm out to stop him and then grabbing him with a strength that doesn't match her thin form when he tries to move around her.</p><p>He can't even see Caern now, lost beneath the writhing bodies of the giant insects.</p><p>"What are you doing?" Terra shouts.</p><p>"We cannot," Fran says, voice a snarl. "Do you not feel it? Listen you stupid boy!"</p><p>Terra takes a deep breath and there, he smells it, the stench of darkness, rising hot and quick through the air like when he stared into the darkness at the edge of Eruyt Village. Pure in a way the monsters aren't. A different type of darkness. The kind that all the Viera carry inside them.</p><p>"Is she...?"</p><p>"She's going feral," Fran says.</p><p>A screech echoes through the air and a moment later, Fran tackles him to the ground as one of the giant monsters flies past them, bursting apart in the process. Terra watches with a mixture of awe and horror as Caern rips the remaining creatures limb from limb, darkness coating her skin and lengthening into claws that extend out from her body as needed. In a matter of moments, she tosses the last of the remains over the edge of the platform.</p><p>Then she turns towards them.</p><p>“On your feet,” Fran says, hauling him back up as Caern strides towards them, red eyes glowing through the darkness that coats her body.</p><p>Terra gets his keyblade up just in time to deflect a kick and the sheer power of it makes his knees buckle and shake. It’s clear why Fran made the others leave. Another blow breaks his guard and he looks up just in time to see Fran grab Caern by the back of the neck and toss her back across the platform. Darkness swirls around Fran’s hands and feet and she springs up, kicking out each of her legs in rapid fire movements that send bolts of white laced energy straight at Caern. By the time Fran lands, Caern lies still on the platform, the darkness that covered her melting away.</p><p>“Would you mind carrying her?” Fran asks.</p><p>Terra stares at her with wide eyes. “What did you do?”</p><p>Fran raises an eyebrow. “I used the darkness.”</p><p>“But it doesn’t <em>feel</em> like what those monsters felt like,” Terra says, mind racing. “And neither did Caern.”</p><p>“Contrary to your experience, not all darkness is corrupted by evil intent,” Fran says. “Yours certainly isn’t. Now go pick Caern up so we can get back to camp. She needs rest.”</p><p>Terra walks across the platform towards Caern’s still form. “Will she be okay?”</p><p>“Yes. And she’ll be able to control herself better in the future. You’d do well to learn from her.”</p><p>“Learn what?” Terra asks as he picks Caern up.</p><p>“Learn that your own power is nothing to fear,” Fran says.</p><p>“You had to knock her out to make her stop,” Terra says, tone flat. “That is something to fear.”</p><p>Fran looks down at Caern as Terra approaches, expression softening. “This time yes, but in the future she will be like me, capable of calling and releasing it at will.” She looks back up at him. “And eventually you will too.”</p><p> </p><p>-.-</p><p> </p><p>“Jote said she’s going to send the three of us out to investigate the Feywood,” Riku says as he finishes dividing up the food for their dinner.</p><p>Caern had brought them cooked vegetables and rice, and while it’s seasoned well, Terra still finds it hard to bring himself to eat. She’d seemed perfectly fine, if tired. Instead of being horrified or worried by the ordeal, she seemed happy, and when Terra asked if she was okay, she’d simply nodded and said she was excited to start the next phase of her training.</p><p>“Three of us who?” Terra asks.</p><p>“You, me, and Fran,” Riku says. “The Viera aren’t supposed to leave the Wood, but there’s something wrong in the Feywood they suspect, and they would rather know what it is before it reaches them here when they aren’t prepared.”</p><p>“I see…”</p><p>“Is what happening today troubling you?” Riku asks.</p><p>“Yes,” Terra says. “But…it’s hardly a secret that I can’t wrap my head around the idea that darkness isn’t something bad. The other day, you said I had an overactive threat response or something, and it just makes me think about what happened to Caern today, how she had lashed out at everyone because the darkness took control of her in an effort to protect her. Even if that’s what this is…it’s monstrous. Anything that hurts people I care about is.”</p><p>“That’s not true,” Riku says. “You protected me.”</p><p>It’s odd, the way Terra keeps forgetting that. He keeps thinking that Riku doesn’t understand him, doesn’t know him, but even if they hadn’t known who one another was at the time, they had spent time together when Riku had taken on Ansem’s form.</p><p>“Darkness doesn’t have to be bad,” Riku says. “But everyone around you telling you that isn’t ever going to be what you need to hear to convince you. You’ll just have to experience that for yourself.”</p><p>“That’s why we’re here, I guess,” Terra says, looking back down at his food. “I just don’t know how I could ever experience it that way.”</p><p>For a long few minutes, Riku doesn’t say anything else. Terra continues to pick at his food as Riku finishes eating his own, wishing he was more like Riku, wishing he was impervious to the darkness.</p><p>“It doesn’t hurt,” Riku says as he stands up. “Your darkness I mean. Even when it tried to tie itself to me when I first looked into your mind, even when it’s drawn to me now, it doesn’t hurt. Does it hurt you when you feel it?”</p><p>Terra frowns, staring out into the dark forest as he considers the question. He gets why Riku is asking. He’s trying to make Terra see that it doesn’t have to be a power of pain and destruction, but if he thinks about it, it never caused him pain. Using it himself had never hurt or burned. Even when Xehanort possessed him, it had never been the darkness that hurt him. The violation was what hurt then, what still hurts.</p><p>“You don’t have to answer, just something to think about,” Riku says.</p><p>He retreats back to their hut before Terra can say anything. It’s a long time before Terra follows after him.</p><p> </p><p>-.-</p><p> </p><p>The Feywood looks like it should be cold, but the temperature doesn’t seem to drop at all. All around them, the shiny, oily texture of magic tinged with darkness writhes through the air, reflecting distorted images of themselves and their surroundings back at them as they trudge through the snow. Fran leads their party of three, her bow strapped to her back and a bamboo pole in hand to fight with.</p><p>“Why is it so warm?” Terra asks as they approach a gazebo like structure.</p><p>“It’s the darkness and the magic,” Fran says. “But the snow is magic too, so it doesn’t melt. The Feywood acts as a barrier and a gate to the city of Giruvegan, which is said to contain great darkness but also the heart of our world. When I was there...it was for a short time. The sentient people that once resided there are gone, but a great deal of darkness still pours from that heart and taints many of the monsters.”</p><p>"This world is interesting,” Riku says. “It almost seems to…run and thrive on the darkness in a way.”</p><p>“It does,” Fran says. “We all fear it less, not just the Viera. But it is hard to teach people that something capable of swallowing their whole world is not inherently dangerous, hm?”</p><p>It’s an odd phrase. Terra thinks that it’s only rational to be afraid of something like that, but he knows voicing his opinion is meaningless. The fact is, whether he fears it or not, the world of Ivalice seems to survive just fine with their machines and magic being powered by the darkness, even if it is capable of corrupting the creatures that come near it.</p><p>Fran guides them through the wood until they enter a flat, snowy plain, their vision blinded by both the snow and swirling magical darkness. They step into a gazebo-like structure made of stone and crystal and Terra watches as Fran turns in a slow circle, her gaze intent as she looks out each side of the gazebo.</p><p>“What are you looking for?” Riku asks.</p><p>“The Feywood is the first line of defense Giruvegan has,” Fran says. “So if you walk straight forward you’ll simply end up going in circles. These structures will show us the correct path.”</p><p>Terra mimics her actions and as he comes to face the tight, the dark magic before them shimmers to show a vibrant and thriving green forest. A moment later, it vanishes with the wind. “That’s…”</p><p>“Darkness protects as easily as it harms,” Fran says. “Come along.”</p><p>As they progress, it becomes increasingly apparent that there’s something wrong – more wrong than what is more obvious. At the entrance of the wood, they’d come across a fair share of monsters and creatures and Heartless alike to cut their way through, but ever since they entered this snowy plain it’s…there’s nothing at all. When he points it out to Fran, she pauses in the center of the next structure mid-turn.</p><p>“A good point,” Fran says.</p><p>She draws her bow instead, placing her staff at her back, and finishes turning to find the right path before leading them out into the open again. Instead of continuing though, she pauses only a few meters out. Terra and Riku come to a stop behind her and he watches as Fran’s ears twitch several different ways, likely trying to pick up on something their human ears can’t detect. He swallows and closes his own eyes.</p><p>The darkness that surrounds them isn’t like the darkness he stares into when he’s back in Eruyt Village. This is all around him, passive in a way. It doesn’t seem as though it’s trying to suck him in, it simply flows around him, slides over his skin and fills his senses, his smell, his touch. But when he concentrates…</p><p>“There. To the south,” he says, turning the direction he detects the disturbance. “If we walk forward, will the magic of this place take us away?”</p><p>“We have two more structures to pass through before we enter the area near the gate. Once we reach that, the magic will allow us to walk where we will, and the gate is to the south as well,” Fran says. “If we continue, we will likely find whatever it is you sense.”</p><p>They start walking once more, Riku keeping close to his side.</p><p>“What is it that you sense?” Riku asks.</p><p>“The darkness here…it’s like it moves in a current,” Terra says. “I thought it was random when we first entered here, but when I pay attention, I can follow the currents with my senses, and there’s something large distorting that current to the south.”</p><p>Riku raises his eyebrows. “I’m impressed. I was never that efficient.”</p><p>“You cannot sense the darkness like one of us anymore, can you?” Fran asks as they reach the next structure.</p><p>“No,” Riku says. “When I became a Dream Eater, I became immune to the darkness, so I can no longer use its power the same way I once had. I can still detect it and seek it out, but it…it’s different. It’s not something that’s a part of me anymore.”</p><p>Terra keeps his jealous thoughts to himself. There’s no reason to rehash a conversation that already feels so ancient in such a short period of time. They turn again within the gazebo, locating the next path and then trekking back out into the snow, the darkness around them pulsing in waves as they walk.</p><p>“Well, it’s strong enough for me to notice now,” Riku says. As he speaks, his own Keyblade manifests in his hand and Terra follows his example. No sense in being taken unaware.</p><p>“One more path,” Fran says.</p><p>They reach the next structure and this time when they turn, Terra watches the serene forest scape fade away to reveal a wide open plain and at the far end of his line of sight, a large stone gate stands. It’s cracked open though, swirling darkness pouring through.</p><p>“Is that…meant to be like that?” Riku asks, starting forward.</p><p>Fran grabs his arm, holding him back. “No. The gate to Giruvegan cannot be opened by anything other than one of our Espers, divine creatures from the heavens, or something that approaches their strength. Something…something from inside must have opened it.”</p><p>“That doesn’t sound good,” Terra says.</p><p>“Giruvegan is where the heart of this world is located, isn’t it?” Riku asks.</p><p>Fran nods. “Yes. But simply walking into Giruvegan will not give you access to the heart of the world. There are hoards of monsters and demons you must fight, and then you must navigate your way through the heart itself as well. It’s not…simple.”</p><p>“Okay, but we should be able to lock this door then right?” Riku asks, turning to look at Terra.</p><p>“If you recall, you are the one who passed your mark of mastery, not me,” Terra says. “But yes, I think it is safe to assume we could simply lock this door as we would do on any other world.”</p><p>“No,” Fran says. “We must not. Not until we know what opened it in the first place. I will need to gather information from the Wood-Warders and friends.”</p><p>Riku glances over at Terra, but Terra just shrugs. This world is not like the other worlds, and so he’s much more inclined to trust the judgment of someone like Fran or any of the other Viera over their own. It doesn’t feel right, leaving a door to such darkness open to pour out whatever is inside. Whatever it is was enough to send all the creatures that once roamed the area scattering to Golmore Jungle.</p><p>Perhaps it was best to leave it until they had more information. The whole thing almost makes him laugh. The Terra of over a decade ago would have no problem charging in, reckless and ready to fight, but his caution now is almost impossible to overcome. In some ways that hurts him. He knows that. But in this case…well, perhaps it’s just growth.</p><p> </p><p>-.-</p><p> </p><p>It’s two weeks before they have an answer for what lurks beyond the gate in the Feywood, and Terra spends those two weeks in the Golmore Jungle with the Wood-Warders fighting off the creatures that flee from it. It’s exhausting work, but the exhaustion…helps. Sleeping comes easier. Balthier is the one that returns with information, relaying it to Fran at the edges of the village so that they may relay it to Jote.</p><p>“A Piscodaemon,” Jote says, frowning as she looks past Fran and Terra and towards Golmore Jungle. “Are you sure?”</p><p>“Balthier spoke with Ivaness himself,” Fran says. “It is his brother that became corrupted and fled to Giruvegan. It is unlikely he cared to close the door behind him.”</p><p>“And who knows what kind of powers and creatures he could learn to summon while there,” Jote says. “It is settled then. You and our outsider friends will travel to Giruvegan to deal with this threat yourselves. We cannot allow such a creature to roam.”</p><p>“What <em>is</em> a Piscodaemon?” Terra asks.</p><p>“A Piscodaemon is what happens to a Nu Mou that allows the darkness to overcome them,” Fran says. “Nu Mou are not like us – they exist fully in the light, and while they can work with magics from the darkness, they run a greater risk of losing control and the power they hold is much greater than ours. We…are proficient in magic. They are masters.”</p><p>It makes Terra think of Aqua. Of Ventus. Two people who exist so fully in the light, and yet even Aqua had been drowned under the influence of the darkness when given enough time. So essentially…they were dealing with that.</p><p>“I’m assuming it must be us because your people will not leave the wood?” Terra asks.</p><p>Jote nods. “Correct. If we had no choice, we would send someone, but we would be more likely to hire hunters like…well Fran.”</p><p>“So when should we leave to get rid of this Piscodaemon?” Terra asks.</p><p>“We will want to prepare,” Fran says. “Giruvegan is an unpredictable place. I will speak with the Salve-Makers to make sure we have enough supplies for whatever we run into.”</p><p>“See to that,” Jote says. “Terra, I wish to speak with you further.”</p><p>Fran nods, giving Terra a quick look he can’t decipher before she leaves Jote’s hut. Jote turns away from him and walks towards the wall that contains shelves of different concoctions and tomes.</p><p>“When you were in the Feywood, did you notice anything?” she asks.</p><p>“The darkness is stronger,” Terra says. After a moment of thinking, he frowns. “Strong enough to see my own reflection.”</p><p>“The darkness in the Feywood and Giruvegan both feeds on the darkness of those who walk within it,” Jote says. “There is a reason very few Wood-Warders go into the Feywood, and all are banned from Giruvegan, and it is that our ties to the wood, to the darkness, they make those reflections stronger than just an image. They can become real.”</p><p>“So Fran and I…”</p><p>“You have affinities for the darkness but you are not born of it as we are,” Jote says, turning back to look at him. “Or…Fran was born from it, but she has severed her ties with the wood and so its weight does not rest as heavily on her as it would another Viera. It is safer for you, but there is still a danger. You came here to grow, but I would not have you plunge head first into peril not knowing what could be waiting for you.”</p><p>“And what is it that you think will be waiting for me in Giruvegan?”</p><p>Jote tilts her head to the side as he steps closer to him and he feels, not for the first time, the presence within her that is stronger than herself or any of the other Viera. It is the thing that makes her their leader. “I do not know, but it is whatever you fear most. The Nu Mou are skilled at summoning, and a Piscodaemon even more so. They can tap into the darkness itself and manifest their foe’s worst nightmares to fight on their behalf and that is what makes them so dangerous.”</p><p>“If Giruvegan is the heart of this world…”</p><p>“Then he has all the darkness he wishes to play with, yes,” Jote says with a nod. “If you do not wish to go, we will simply find someone who will, but I do believe it is time for you to stop running, don’t you?”</p><p>“I’m not running,” Terra says, almost on instinct, but he’s not so foolish that he doesn’t realize the words are a lie. He’s been running for months now. Ever since he got his body back, all he did was run from the things it contained.</p><p>“Let us know if you do not wish to go,” Jote says, stepping away and then turning her back to him as she heads for the shelves once more. “We will need to deal with this Piscodaemon eventually.”</p><p>Terra heads for the exit of her hut, but pauses just before he reaches it. “Jote?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>He doesn’t turn back towards her, almost afraid the words will leave him if he does. “Why not just let me walk into it? If you want me to face what it is you think I’m running from so badly, why not just let me go after this Piscodaemon without saying anything at all?”</p><p>“Healing through force is not healing at all, it is only another act of violation,” Jote says. “You deserve to be able to make choices with all the facts laid out before you.”</p><p>Terra thinks about the way his strength had given out all those years, convinced that his friends were dead, that he had already failed, how those lies had come together and left him defenseless. It is a gift, he thinks, to be allowed to know the truth. To not be lied to or manipulated. “Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>-.-</p><p> </p><p>The thoughts plague him further that night. He finds himself once more on his perch outside the space he shares with Riku, staring out into the darkness as he pours over his memories from that time. So often, things twist together in his head. He can’t remember, really, what lies Xehanort had told him to nudge him along on his path. For so long, he’s seen it that way too – that he’d already been on a path to darkness and destruction, and Xehanort had merely made sure he didn’t stray too far.</p><p>But Jote’s words…perhaps his perception had been wrong.</p><p>Perhaps he has not been flawed from the start, destined to walk alone in the darkness and forever fear the moment he pitched over the side and fell flailing head first into it. Perhaps he never would have been on that path in the first place if he hadn’t been pushed. It feels irresponsible to abdicate the responsibility when so many people have been harmed as a result, but then…why shouldn’t Xehanort shoulder some of the blame?</p><p>“Should I ask what you’re thinking about now?” Riku asks as he sits down beside Terra. He leans over, knocking shoulders with him with the comfortable camaraderie they’ve begun to have with each other.</p><p>“It’s nothing new,” Terra says. He looks over at Riku, tilting his head to the side. “I was thinking about whether I should let Xehanort shoulder some of the blame for everything that happened.”</p><p>“That’s sort of new then, isn’t it?” Riku asks.</p><p>“I suppose.” He shifts his weight, tucking one leg under the other. “Jote says whatever I’m afraid of, what I’m running from, that Piscodaemon will use it to fight against me.”</p><p>“Ah. So you’re trying to figure out if it’s going to be Xehanort or yourself that appears?” Riku asks.</p><p>“You know it’s scary how spot on you are with what I’m thinking,” Terra says with a small laugh.</p><p>“Sorry,” Riku says, a smile tugging at his lips. “We have a lot in common that way. I…I still struggle with some of the same things you do, even knowing I’m immune to being controlled by the darkness. I don’t think that fear ever fully goes away.”</p><p>“Well, that’s kind of a relief to hear if I’m being honest,” Terra says, leaning back on his hands. “I feel like this whole thing has been you guiding me from a position of…being too smart to be afraid? Or too competent? I don’t know. It’s like you’ve made all the same mistakes as me, but you’ve learned from them and become a better person, someone who knows who he is. And I…I didn’t. It helps to hear that you’re unsure of yourself too.”</p><p>“I think we all grew up too fast,” Riku says. “You, me, Sora…everyone. We learned a lot of things many adults never do before we became adults ourselves, but in the process, we missed out on being kids. I think that means we’re all a little bit uh…incompetent as you said. I’m not any smarter than you. I’ve just had more time to settle.”</p><p>“That part is weird too,” Terra says, turning away from the wood so he can face Riku with his whole body. “I don’t feel older than when Xehanort first possessed me. It’s like…time moved so slow but so fast at the same time. I wasn’t fully aware the whole time.”</p><p>“The whole world, or I guess all the worlds, changed while you were forced to stand still,” Riku says.</p><p>Terra nods. “It’s odd. Sometimes I look back at my time when I was split, my heart and mind and body all in different places, and sometimes it feels like hundreds of years of suffering and other times it feels like I just closed my eyes and woke up the next day. I don’t know…”</p><p>Riku sighs, leaning back on his hands and looking up at the darkened tree tops. “When we were teenagers, like, before everything happened, Sora told me he kept having these dreams and he could never tell if they were real or not. I think they were Ventus’ memories now, at least, in hindsight. Is it a bit like that? Like…not knowing what’s real?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Terra says. “Some things…I know they’re memories. Others, I can’t tell, and some I can tell are just…things my brain made up to fill the space.” Those were the things nightmares were made of.</p><p>“The problem with people like us going against something like a Piscodaemon is that it has so much to play with,” Riku says.</p><p>“Wouldn’t you being a Dream Eater make you immune to it the way it makes you immune to darkness?” Terra asks.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Riku says. He glances over at Terra. “I don’t want to go in assuming that and then be taken off guard by something I’m not ready to see.”</p><p>“Well…you know what I’m afraid of,” Terra says. “So, what are you afraid of?”</p><p>“Oh, a lot of things,” Riku says. “There’s the fear that something will happen and I’ll lose my immunity to the darkness that I’ve worked so hard to gain. Fear that Sora will be overcome by his own darkness.”</p><p>“Sora? Of all people?” Terra asks.</p><p>Riku nods. “He...when he’s in danger, he has a tendency to turn into this…thing. This sort of Heartless almost, and it’s always temporary, but I worry it’ll be permanent one day. That he’ll change to protect himself and then never change back.”</p><p>“That can happen?” Terra asks.</p><p>“I guess,” Riku says. “Although it’s never happened to me or anyone else I know. The best hypothesis the King and I could come up with is that Sora purposely unraveled his own heart back when we…back when we fought while I was under Ansem’s control, and so now he’s just more susceptible to it. Especially given everything he’s gone through. He’s picked apart his own heart more than once at this point.”</p><p>He hears Riku’s voice waver at the end, but it’s too dark for him to pick out the nuance of his expression. “You care about him a lot.”</p><p>“He’s the most important person in my life,” Riku says. “But...he doesn’t need me right now. Healing from everything requires more than just me hovering around him worrying.”</p><p>“Is that why you don’t mind spending all the time here with me?” Terra asks.</p><p>“I mean…I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t have the time,” Riku says. “Still, I would be lying if I said that if Sora called me right now, I wouldn’t run back to Radiant Garden. But you know that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. You…I mean that.”</p><p>It’s the first time since they’ve gotten to this world that Terra has seen this type of vulnerability from Riku, and he can’t help but feel…strengthened by it. To know Riku trusts him with something, it almost feels like he’s earned back that role he’d wanted to have when they’d first met each other when Riku was just a child. He’s certainly not offended by Riku’s words either. If Ventus or Aqua asked for him, he’d drop everything too, and while that type of love was deep and vast and all encompassing, he’s been around long enough to know it’s not the foundation they should be building on.</p><p>He thinks Riku must know the same about Sora. In that respect, perhaps time apart from the most important people in their lives is useful for all of them.</p><p>“Thank you for telling me,” Terra says. “I feel like I’ve sort of lost the right to be someone for you or really anyone to rely on, but I’m glad that you feel like you can be honest with me.”</p><p>“Yeah…” Riku looks away. “You might be struggling Terra, but that doesn’t mean no one should trust you. I’m not worried about you losing yourself to your darkness even if you’re worried about it, and I’m not worried about you when we fight that Piscodaemon. You’re plenty strong. Not many people could split themselves in three like you have.”</p><p>For some reason, hearing it like that feels different. It feels true for once. Regardless of the mistakes that led him to the result of Xehanort taking control of him, he’d never given up even after ten years. He never stopped resisting, even when he hid. In a way…hiding was resistance too. He’d never really thought of it that way. All those times he’d reflected Xehanort back at himself when he’d worried about Terra resisting him still, all those times he obeyed as the Guardian, all of them were decisions to remain hidden to stay alive to fight another day.</p><p>“I guess…maybe I have done a little bit better than I have given myself credit for,” Terra says.</p><p>“You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that,” Riku says. He looks back at Terra, the smile on his face plenty obvious. “I know how hard it is to let go of that guilt and I…I’m glad. Is that weird?”</p><p>“No,” Terra says with a little laugh. “I mean…it’s kind of taken awhile hasn’t it? I’ve been here more than a month.”</p><p>“There’s no such thing as taking too long for this sort of thing,” Riku says. “Especially since this is the first time you’ve actually had a chance to slow down. Honestly, it’s the first time <em>I’ve</em> slowed down, really.”</p><p>“After this Piscodaemon thing, maybe I’ll have better control over myself. Then we can go take a real vacation,” Terra says.</p><p>“I’m gonna hold you to that.”</p><p> </p><p>-.-<br/><br/></p><p>“A friend is going to be meeting us at the gate,” Fran says as they enter the Feywood once more together. “Balthier informed her of our issue and she has insisted on joining us.”</p><p>“Well, the more the merrier,” Riku says.</p><p>“I am warning you that she will take charge,” Fran says, glancing at both of them over her shoulder. “Just in case either thought of you were going to be doing any leading here.”</p><p>Her gentle teasing, which is still rather rare, doesn’t hit as nicely as Terra thought it would. Instead, it just makes him think about the time of his life when he wouldn’t have been very good at all at defaulting to someone else’s leadership. It reminds him of all the times he railed against Aqua’s help. He shoves those thoughts aside though. It’s better to instead think about how Fran has gotten comfortable enough to tease.</p><p>Once more, he finds himself wondering why she has been so willing to extend her hand to people who had started as strangers. Perhaps once the threat of the Piscodaemon is gone, they can discuss it. It hasn’t felt like the right time just yet.</p><p>When they reach the gate, still open with darkness seeping through the crack, they find a woman crouched in the snow wearing armor not too different from the armor Terra has used himself when traversing between worlds. She raises up out of her crouch when they approach, turning to face them. Her skin is lightly tanned, like she’s been spending time in the sun, and at her side is a wickedly curved sword, long but thin. Sandy colored hair falls just below her chin, straight and thick.</p><p>“Fran, you look well,” the woman says. “And who are these two? Balthier did not mention them.”</p><p>“Riku and Terra are Keyblade masters,” Fran says.</p><p>“Ah, world travelers then,” the woman says.</p><p>Terra blinks. “You…does everyone on this world know about other worlds?”</p><p>“Not quite,” the woman says. She holds a hand out to them and Terra takes it first to shake. “Queen Ashelia B’nargin Dalmasca. I am what you Keyblade users call a Princess of Heart, though I suppose…the title is a little off considering. You may call me Ashe.”</p><p>“Oh, that’s why you’re wearing the armor,” Riku says as he takes Ashe’s hand to shake as well. “It hides what you are, doesn’t it?”</p><p>“Very astute of you,” she says. “A Keyblade master visited my father decades ago and informed him such armor could help protect him from the darkness and I assumed the same material could be used to conceal my own powers. It took a bit of work but it does the job.”</p><p>“So how many people know about you being a Princess of Heart? And well, other worlds,” Riku asks.</p><p>“Certainly not everyone,” Ashe says. “Royalty does. Some scientists. The Viera and the Garif, though they often choose to remain isolated so the knowledge of other worlds, or even that Giruvegan contains the heart of our world isn’t knowledge commonly known. Most do not have the equipment or training to brave the Feywood let alone get beyond the gate.”</p><p>“So why the armor? If you’re not protecting your status from the people…” Terra trails off.</p><p>“Shady characters have been around our world since it was first restored seeking out a Princess of Heart,” Ashe says. “The armor protected me from detection and they moved on. Now…I suppose it’s just habit when I go out. You never know when they might show up again.”</p><p>Terra wants to press – wants to know if this was before or after they defeated Xehanort and his thirteen allies. But…he has a feeling Ashe wouldn’t want to divulge that much. As is, she’s already trusted them with dangerous information even though she’s just met them, though that likely has more to do with the fact that they’re Keyblade masters.</p><p>“Well, your secret is safe with us,” Riku says. “I take it you are familiar with Giruvegan given what you’ve said?”</p><p>“Yes,” Ashe says. “In fact, many of the deeper areas are only accessible with my presence, or one of the Archadian royal bloodline. Unless, of course, you are a monster. Then, given enough time, you could brute force your way through using the darkness.”</p><p>“So the Piscodaemon could hide somewhere we can’t reach?” Terra asks.</p><p>“Perhaps but it is unlikely,” Fran says.</p><p>“As Keyblade masters you likely know that the heart of the world contains a great deal of darkness,” Ashe says, turning back towards the gate. “A Piscodaemon thrives on that darkness and he’ll be drawn to it, but given all that Giruvegan holds and the guardians within it, it’s unlikely for it to reach the core. That being said, the longer we give it time to do as it pleases, the more dangerous it becomes.”</p><p>“Lead the way then,” Riku says.</p><p>Ashe draws her blade and does just that, stepping through the open gate and passing through a wall of swirling darkness as she does so. Fran follows, but Terra stops just before the door.</p><p>“We can go through together,” Riku says.</p><p>And no. He doesn’t need that. It’s just hard to walk into something so obviously ominous and threatening. He takes a deep breath and steps forward. The darkness clings to him, latching on and twisting around his wrists and chest and sliding up over his arms, but it slips away as soon as he passed through it, releasing him without hesitation. A moment later, Riku emerges beside him, similarly unscathed.</p><p>Terra turns towards the front again, towards Giruvegan. Before them, across great marble and stone platforms and large expanses of water, a towering but silent city stands in the distance. It reminds him too much of his own home.</p><p>“Ready?” Riku asks.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>-.-</p><p> </p><p>It takes time to reach the city, transporting across platforms using Ashe’s guidance. She keeps her blade drawn even without any enemies leaping out at them, but Terra supposes that’s a smart moving considering the air is thick with the orange and oily darkness that reflects distorted shapes back at them. As time passes, and the silence grows ever more oppressive, Terra starts to see things in the darkness that aren’t quite…right.</p><p>Things that look like the Guardian he once was. At first he doesn’t say anything, more than willing to shake off the images as a matter of the situation, but not a true threat. It isn’t until he notices Riku going tense beside him as another wave of darkness distorts the air before them that he realizes he might not be the only one seeing something. Still, he doesn’t want to cause undue alarm.</p><p>“Something off?” he asks, and even with how softly he speaks it feels loud in the dead city.</p><p>“I keep seeing things in the darkness,” Riku says.</p><p>“It does that,” Ashe says. “It can’t hurt you though. It’s merely a reflection of your thoughts.”</p><p>“So, what, you’re saying we should think happy thoughts?” Terra asks.</p><p>“It’s not a matter of what you think,” Ashe says. “The darkness reflects back at you the parts within yourself that are connected to it.”</p><p>“And what do you see?” Riku asks.</p><p>“There was a creature here, not long ago, that sought to control me,” Ashe says. “As a Princess of Heart, I cannot be overcome by darkness in the same way someone else can, but I can be manipulated as well as anyone else and that’s what he tried to do. I know he is gone, but I see him in the shadows any time I come here.”</p><p>“How is it that can something that reflects such images back at us is something that can be considered good?” Terra doesn’t mean to ask the question out loud, but there’s something about the air here maybe that makes it easier than it normally would be.</p><p>“It won’t startle you if you’ve accepted those parts of yourself,” Fran says, glancing back over her shoulder at him. “I see the spirit of the Wood, the spirit that gives birth to my people. I have already left her, and she holds no power over me, so seeing a representation of her in the darkness does not frighten me. A dark mirror just shows you what you’re scared to face.”</p><p>Terra looks over at Riku, who keeps his gaze steadfastly ahead. He wonders if what Riku sees in the darkness is the form Sora sometimes took on that he spoke about the night before. Judging by the tense line of his shoulders, he figures that’s a good guess.</p><p>They reach another dais with a magical mechanism at its center and they stand near as Ashe reaches forward to activate it. Unlike before, they are not teleported to a nearly identical dais. Instead, when the showering magical lights fade away, they find themselves standing in some sort of dark structure with ramps and staircases leading all sorts of directions around in a vast circle, and at the center of all that empty space, pulses what…must be the heart of the world.</p><p>It’s a giant crystal in appearance, peach and red and pink and orange, the color never staying the same. Darkness pulses off of it in waves, only for waves of light to pulse out in their wake. It’s…beautiful and horrifying all at once.</p><p>“This world is nothing like the others,” Riku says, nearing the edge of their platform and peering over the edge.</p><p>“Well, there is one thing they have in common,” Terra says as he joins him and gazes down at one the platforms beneath them. He points when Riku looks over at him. “Monsters.”</p><p>Riku sighs. “Fantastic.”</p><p>Ashe proves to be an invaluable ally once the fighting starts – because once it does, it doesn’t seem to end. They press down into the depths of the strange structure, down ramps and staircases, across magical paths that don’t appear until Ashe steps out into what appears to be mid-air, and all along the way she cuts through monsters made of writhing tentacles and wings and fangs.</p><p>She reminds Terra so much of Aqua, he finds himself wishing for Aqua by his side. In an odd way, he supposes that’s an improvement. As grateful he’d been to have Aqua and Ventus back in his life, he has struggled to be around them for fear of putting them in a position where they would have to put him down once more. Whether it’s distance or a growing sense of ownership over his own powers…the thought of seeing Aqua again doesn’t fill him with fear.</p><p>“You’re no normal princess,” Riku says through gasps for breath as they pause for a moment of respite on one of the platforms.</p><p>“Let’s just say I didn’t have the usual upbringing of a princess,” she says with a sharp smile. “I-“</p><p>“What she’s saying is she led an underground rebellion under a secret identity for years and such rebellions are not won by princesses content to stay pampered in their quarters,” Fran says.</p><p>“Give away all my secrets why don’t you,” Ashe says, glancing back at Fran but the smile on her lips seems gentler.</p><p>“We are at the heart of the world, any secrets we have from each other will not remain secrets for much longer,” Fran says, pointing down to the next platform where a great door blocks their path. “This is deeper than I thought the Piscodaemon would have gotten.”</p><p>“You’re right,” Ashe says with a nod.</p><p>“So it’s even stronger than we originally thought?” Riku asks.</p><p>Ashe nods. “I would prepare yourself for what it will force you to fight when we finally find it. It will be able to summon reincarnations much closer to the original thing it is that you fear.”</p><p>Terra thinks of the Guardian, the way he’d stared at him from the darkness. A dark reflection, the parts of himself he ran from and didn’t wish to see…was the Guardian something he’d become to hide from Xehanort, or was it something he’d always carried with him? Something that protected him?</p><p>It’s hard to imagine such a creature could be anything worth more than something to destroy. But then…perhaps that very approach was what led him to this place to begin with.</p><p>“Do you have to accept the dark parts of yourself you don’t want to be in control of the darkness you wield?” Terra asks, turning towards Fran.</p><p>Fran tilts her head to the side. “You mean to ask if I must accept the spirit of the Wood if I am to remain in control of my own powers?”</p><p>Terra nods, watching as Fran looks towards Ashe for a moment before looking back at him.</p><p>“Not necessarily,” Fran says. “I suppose you could say I accepted that the spirit of the Wood was not evil, though she was not for me. We could never coexist, and so that is why I left my village and my home, but I do not reject her even when she fights me in an attempt to make me stay. We will always be a part of each other.”</p><p>“Judging by your expression, that’s not the answer you were hoping for,” Ashe says.</p><p>“I guess not,” Terra says.</p><p>But…it’s not an answer he’s surprised by. Just an answer he’s spent far too long running from. Ashe leads them to the edge of the platform and steps out onto the air again, large discs of light radiating out from her feet that they step up onto as she leads the way down to the last platform. The door ascends as soon as they reach it, letting them inside yet another structure, this one full of ramps and high walls.</p><p>It makes it harder to find the monsters, and more than once they are taken by surprise as Ashe leads them up a ramp and through the winding pathways. Once the crowd of monsters is thinned out, the area becomes silent once more, the only sound being their footsteps as they check every corner and hidden pathway for the Piscodaemon only to come up short.</p><p>“I take it this is a worst-case scenario?” Riku asks as they head up another ramp.</p><p>“Yes,” Ashe says. “The only place left is the heart of our world itself. I…” Ashe comes to a stop at the top of the platform. There, across the empty expanse of darkness, glows the heart of the world, darkness and light twisting together and pulsing off in bursts. “I fear this creature spent far too long in this place unchecked. We must be careful if we proceed now.”</p><p>“I am not going through all those monsters again,” Terra says. “Let’s continue.”</p><p>He’s surprised by his own willingness, and judging by the look Riku gives him, he’s not the only one. It feels a bit like he’s been gearing himself up as they’ve descended into the depths of Giruvegan, and if he backs out now, he’s not sure he’ll have the guts to come back any time soon. For once, it feels like things have aligned in a way where he can face the things he’s afraid of now, because he has people beside him who are willing to face the things they’re afraid of, and because this time he’s not alone. This time, he isn’t standing alone on the top of a cliff, convinced his friends are dead or worse.</p><p>He’s scared of himself, but it’s easier to exist in that fear and face it when he has people at his side, especially Riku. The fact that Riku is standing beside him is proof that conquering his fears is possible, as impossible as it may seem. He and Sora are alike that way.</p><p>“If we are all ready then, we can continue,” Ashe says, stepping up onto the edge of the platform.</p><p>She steps out into the air and just like before, a disc of light appears beneath her feet. Fran, Riku and Terra step up behind her and follow her into the heart of the world.</p><p> </p><p>-.-</p><p> </p><p>If the eerie silence of Giruvegan was off-putting, the energy of the heart of the world is terrifying. They materialize together on a platform surrounded by crystal walls that sparkle and ebb and flow with darkness and light washing over their surface. To make it worse, the light of the crystal sometimes becomes entirely obscured by a thick wave of darkness, rendering them blind before it passes.</p><p>“This is bad,” Riku says. “How are we supposed to fight like this?”</p><p>“Instinct will carry you far,” Fran says, walking to the edge of the platform they’ve materialized on and looking down a path to another platform. “Remember the direction we go. If you do not, and we end up separated, you will struggle to leave again.”</p><p>“Could we not exit just using our powers to travel through the dark corridors?” Terra asks.</p><p>Ashe shakes her head. “Not so easily. You could if you had no choice, I’m sure, but it would be much more difficult from inside the heart of a world. If you stay with me, I will make sure we all leave safely. If we get separated, try to head back to this spot.”</p><p>With that ominous warning, they head off down the path with Ashe in the lead, Terra and Riku in the middle, and Fran at the rear. Every turn they take, he tries to make a mental note. Their visibility still becomes obscured by darkness at random, but each time it happens, Terra finds himself adjusting to it. There’s a steady confidence that the light will return. It has to, in a place like this, and that makes it possible to keep moving without fear.</p><p>That’s all well and good until they reach another platform and Ashe turns to the left, starting up another direction. Terra steps after her only for the two sides of the fence around each platform to light up, rows of electrical energy stringing across from one end to the other and blocking his path. He leaps back just in time, summoning Earthshaker as he does so.</p><p>Ashe turns around, sword drawn, just as a creature materializes out of the darkness behind her, floating in the air and clothed in a tattered dark robe with glowing purple eyes that match the staff in its hands. It’s a small creature, probably only coming up to Terra’s knee if it was standing on the ground. For all its small size, the stench of darkness that emanates from it, poisoned and corrupted and nothing at all like the darkness of the heart of the world, makes Terra’s gut curdle.</p><p>“Ashe!”</p><p>Riku’s cry doesn’t seem to matter because Ashe is already turning, slicing at the creature with her sword only for it to vanish and reappear on the platform with the three of them. It waves its staff as Terra lunges towards it with his keyblade only to recoil as the Guardian tears its way into reality, grabbing Terra’s keyblade and stopping him in his path.</p><p>It’s all he can do to hold onto his keyblade as the Guardian flings it and him across the platform, up over the edge and tumbling down a different path opposite of Ashe. He grits his teeth as he flips through the air, summoning his armor just as he crashes to the ground, grunting at the pain. From here he can’t see Riku or Fran, and definitely not Ashe. He gets to his feet and heads back for the path only to find the Guardian blocking his path once more.</p><p>“You’re the best the Piscodaemon could come up with, huh?” Terra asks.</p><p>The Guardian doesn’t seem impressed by his bravado and reaches out towards him with a swipe of a long taloned claw Terra remembers being his own. The thought takes him off guard and he barely gets his keyblade up in time to block the first swipe and then another, and another, each one sending him another few inches back across the platform.</p><p>As he takes each of the hits, the realization that at least for now, he <em>is</em> alone, is not a realization that is lost on him. The confidence with which he had entered this place evaporates under the knowledge that Fran and Riku and Ashe are all far away from him, blocked by a creature created from his own nightmares. A creature that he himself had once been.</p><p>He tightens his jaw as another slash of the Guardian comes down upon him, then springs backwards, sending a low-level fire spell out of his keyblade towards it just to force it back. For a moment it levitates upwards, only to plunge back down and vanish into the platform. A breath later, the darkness swamps over the crystal walls, blinding him and Terra tries to listen over the roaring of his own blood for the sound of the Guardian and where he could be.</p><p>He gets his answer when it wraps a hand around his leg and yanks him down, but instead of landing on the platform, he finds himself falling through the thick and cloying darkness, keeping his eyes and lips firmly shut as it crushes down around his armor and slips between the cracks it leaves behind. It slips over his skin, and it feels nothing like the darkness that comes from within him. It burns and corrodes and he lashes out blindly in resposne.</p><p>Is he in the heart of the world or has he slipped into the dark corridors? It’s impossible to tell, and with the pain creeping over every inch of his body, he has no hope of locating the Guardian like this.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“That is not the Guardian. You are.”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>The voice echoes around in his skull and on instinct, he reaches up to cover his ears, writhing in the confines of the Piscodaemon’s dark powers.</p><p><em>I’m not that thing,</em> he thinks, feeling choked and half frantic even though he hasn’t said a word. <em>I’m not! I was but only because I had…I had to survive.</em></p><p>
  <strong>“<em>You think you can cast aside the dark parts of yourself you crafted for survival so easily?”</em></strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Get out of my head. You’re not even real, you’re just what that Piscodaemon-</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Open your eyes, foolish boy.”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>For a moment, Terra resists even that, but the pain is too much to keep bearing in silence so with a gasping cry, he flings his eyes open and…finds himself standing upon the pedestal that represents his own heart. So…the Guardian had dragged him into the darkness, down into himself.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“No. You dragged yourself down. You are safe here, are you not?”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>Terra turns around, calling Earthshaker to him once more when he sees the Guardian floating before him again. But…looking at it here, he can’t believe he thought that this creature and the pale imitation that the Piscodaemon had summoned were the same creature. What the Piscodaemon created stunk of the corrupted darkness it thrived on, but what stands before him now is…himself. Or what he had been, when sheltering his heart within Ansem.</p><p>The Guardian has its arms across his chest, its mouth no longer bound the way it had been when it had been well…when Terra had been the Guardian.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Do you fear me?”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>“Yes,” Terra blurts out. “I don’t…I don’t want to turn into you again. I’m…I don’t want to be some mindless beast obeying every order of whatever person who overpowers me.”</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“And yet in a moment of great fear, choked by the darkness of a corrupted magical creature, you fall into your heart to find me, ready to protect you.”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>“You…you aren’t real,” Terra says, pointing his keyblade towards it. “You’re just something I created to protect myself, and if I get rid of you, I don’t have to worry about anything anymore.”</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“If you get rid of me, you are destroying only yourself-“</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>“That’s not true!” Terra takes a step forward, but the Guardian doesn’t even twitch at the threat his movements carry. “You are <em>not</em> me.”</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Am I not the you that learned to acquiesce to fight another day?”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>Terra opens his mouth to protest but…the words are his own, so similar to the ones he’d said to Riku the night before. Was this what they meant? Fran and Jote, and the other Viera who would allow their own darkness to surge forth and protect them, was that not…this? Terra hadn’t been able to fight Xehanort, only hide and protect – protect himself and protect Ansem. Protect Riku. His darkness hadn’t manifested as power, but rather as a protector.</p><p>And he could feel the difference too between the Guardian before him and the one created by the Piscodaemon. Like night and day, even if they were both born of darkness. One was born from the desire to hurt and conquer, the other from the desire to stay alive and protect. All he wanted, all Riku had wanted too, was to protect the ones they cared about, and the Guardian had allowed them both to do that.</p><p>Because the Guardian and Terra were the same. It shared the same desires because they simply were the same.</p><p>“I…think I understand now,” Terra says, keyblade dropping to his side.</p><p><strong><em>“To tear me out is to tear out yourself. Fighting yourself simply makes it impossible for you to do this one thing you wish to do,”</em></strong> the Guardian says.</p><p>“Protect other people,” Terra says with a nod. “So then how do I…how do we become one? How do I use the darkness to protect myself and my friends?”</p><p>The Guardian blurs out of existence and a moment later, he feels its presence at his back, the way he had been at Ansem’s back and Riku’s as well. It’s odd, reversing roles. He hadn’t known it was possible to feel safe which such darkness at his back and yet…knowing that it’s just another manifestation of himself, that he’s protecting himself, it makes it easier.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“If you accept yourself, you only need instinct to do the work.”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>He closes his eyes again. “I’m ready. Take me back.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-.-</p><p> </p><p>He reenters the world in a flurry of power, exploding outward as he tears his way back into the real world. Darkness rips through him, pulsing off him in a wave and sending the Piscodaemon’s faux Guardian soaring through the air. It snarls behinds its bandaged mouth and lunges forward again, and without even a thought crossing his mind, his Guardian, the real Guardian, surges in front of him, blocking the creature from even reaching him.</p><p>Terra dodges to the side and then calls the power of dismissal to himself, clenching his jaw tight as light gathers at the tip of his keyblade before he swings it forward. It pierces the fake Guardian, light crackling through its body like glass shattering in a storm before it vanishes. The real Guardian vanishes from sight soon after, but Terra can feel it within him as he turns and races up the platform. Riku and Fran are nowhere to be seen. Neither is Ashe.</p><p>For a moment, he almost panics. But then he remembers – he’s in a place thick with darkness and the one way he’s always been able to find Riku is the absence of light or darkness. He closes his eyes and concentrates, walking forward and trusting his instincts. For the first time in far too long, it seems to almost come easily to him. It’s like he finally knows he <em>can</em> trust his instincts, that the darkness lurking inside him that he’s been so unwilling to trust is something he can finally trust to protect him. That’s what he molded it and himself for during the last ten years.</p><p>He follows a maze of platforms up and down and around, opening his eyes here and there only to make sure he doesn’t trip as he reaches each new platform. Before long, the sounds of fighting begin to echo down the crystal. From there, he breaks into a run, following the noise and descending down another path before reaching a new platform.</p><p>It’s not Riku he finds but Fran.</p><p>She springs out of the way of a large dinosaur creature covered in moss and bark lunges towards her. A quick motion sends a flurry of flaming arrows into the creature’s back. She lands and then rolls underneath a swipe of its tail.</p><p>“If you have time to stare you have time to fight!” she yells.</p><p>That’s enough to spur Terra into action. He summons Earthshaker and leaps into the fray, sending a Firaga spell right towards the creature’s maw and following it up with a harsh hit with the broadside of Earthshaker with enough force to send its head crashing into the crystal wall. That seems to stun it momentarily, and Fran takes the opportunity to spring up onto its back before leaping into the air. Darkness pours forth from her as she swings her legs in two rapid kicking motions, darkness slicing through the air and through the creature’s hide.</p><p>The creature roars as Fran lands on its back, drawing her bow and sending another arrow through its skull and then two more in its eyes. The two of them are barely able to get back in time as it collapses onto the ground. A moment later, it begins to disintegrate into smoke, drifting away and reabsorbing into the darkness that pulsates from the crystal walls. Fran looks over at him as she slings her bow over her shoulder once more.</p><p>“You…seem different,” she says.</p><p>“I got what I came here for,” he says, and from the barest hint of a smile he gets in response, he knows she gets what he’s saying. “But now we need to worry about the Piscodaemon. Where are the others?”</p><p>Fran shakes her head. “It separated us all after you. I do not know where they are, and we need to defeat the Piscodaemon first. If we don’t, it will continue to summon creatures for us to fight using the heart of the world to power itself.”</p><p>It makes sense, but he hates the idea of leaving Riku or Ashe to fight their battles alone. Still, the battles they’re fighting would end all the quicker if they found the Piscodaemon first and then dealt with the creatures it had summoned.</p><p>“How did you find me?” Fran asks.</p><p>“I followed my nose,” Terra says. “I can smell the darkness and light both, and Riku doesn’t smell like either, so I was following the scent of well…nothing. He must be deeper within.”</p><p>“So is the Piscodaemon most likely. Are you able to pick out its smell?”</p><p>“I can try.”</p><p>Terra closes his eyes again, taking a few deep breaths to steady himself, and then tries to follow the scent and feeling of the corrupted and filthy darkness that had filled him with such fear before. He starts walking, but it’s harder to track than Riku. It keeps moving, as if it senses that the two of them are on its tail, so before long they both break into a run to keep up. He has to open his eyes then, which makes it a little harder to follow his senses.</p><p>They run head first into Ashe, skidding to a halt as they reach a platform with Ashe fighting a ghostly figure Terra doesn’t recognize, a man in regal white armor, as the Piscodaemon dances around in the air above them. Ashe doesn’t spare them a glance, her face stony as she parries the blade of her opponent and then lunges forward, nearly spearing him in the neck.</p><p>“Terra, the Piscodaemon!” Fran shouts, slapping his shoulder as she races past him to help Ashe.</p><p>Terra looks up and reaches his hand out, grinning when the Guardian surges forth like before and snatches the Piscodaemon up in its claw. Like this, Terra can feel its darkness, can feel how poisonous it is, can feel it draw on the power of the heart of the world and rage against the Guardian, but his Guardian stands fast, tightening its grip and crushing down. Terra thrusts his keyblade up towards the crystal, the same light before gathering at the edge before he flings his keyblade through the air.</p><p>It arcs forward, spilling light out as it goes and runs the Piscodaemon straight through. His Guardian releases it and the Piscodaemon evaporates much like the creatures it had summoned from before had. When he turns back towards Ashe and Fran, he sees the apparition they were fighting still alive and well. That answers his question on if the creatures would disappear with their master.</p><p>“I’m going to find Riku,” he shouts.</p><p>Fran waves him off and he heads down another path and away from their fight. It’s easier now, without the stench of the Piscodaemon, to locate Riku. He makes his way through a convoluted set of paths and up and down, to the left, to the right, down again, until he starts to once more hear the sounds of fighting echoing around in the crystal walls.</p><p>When he reaches the platform, he finds Riku engaged in battle against not one figure but two. The first is a dark version of Sora, easily scaling the walls on all fours and lunging down towards Riku with darkness trailing from each of its limbs and glowing eyes, like a Heartless version of the real one. The other is a younger version of Riku – at least that’s what Terra assumes. He’s shorter, a cruel smirk permanently twisted on his lips, and the keyblade he wields is like the one Terra can vaguely remember from when Riku took on Ansem’s form.</p><p>Now isn’t the time to psychoanalyze the issue though.</p><p>He lunges into battle with Earthshaker, slamming it down onto the platform with enough force to send both of the summoned creatures reeling. That gives Riku an opportunity to lock keyblades with his younger self and Terra turns so that they’re back to back just in time to get his keyblade up and block the swiping hand like claws of Heartless Sora. It fights like a demon, even without the Piscodaemon to continually feed it strength. Perhaps that’s the nature of where they are.</p><p>The Piscodaemon summons them into existence, and they feed on the darkness at the heart of the world to keep going. It’s chilling to contemplate.</p><p>Terra lunges into his next block with enough force that he’s able to send Heartless Sora careening across the platform. It flips through the air and lands on the crystal wall feet first before jumping back towards him. He deals another hit to it and his Guardian comes forth at his back and he jerks as he feels the Guardian take a hit he hadn’t seen coming from the younger version of Riku that had managed to get around the real one.</p><p>He ducks under Heartless Sora’s next swipe and then turns to clash keyblades with younger Riku. The real Riku darts around him to engage Heartless Sora and from there, the battle seems to get a little bit easier. Perhaps Riku finds it easier to fight a Heartless Sora than he does his younger self. Terra finds himself facing no such qualms.</p><p>He brings Earthshaker down with both hands against the younger Riku’s block and with barely a thought, summons his Guardian up from beneath the platform, darkness pooling around the younger Riku as it surges up and closes both hands around the young Riku’s torso. Terra doesn’t even manage to get another hit in before the Guardian crushes him enough for him to limp. It’s a little chilling to see a younger Riku’s body melt away into darkness by his own hand, but it helps to know that it isn’t the real Riku and the real Riku is behind him, protected by Terra’s Guardian.</p><p>Protected.</p><p>Riku shouts and Terra whirls around just in time to see Riku thrust his keyblade through the abdomen of Heartless Sora. Light spills forth from the keyblade, radiating outwards until Heartless Sora is consumed with no remains left behind even once the light begins to retract back into the keyblade. For a moment, neither of them move. Then, Riku stumbles back and without thinking, Terra reaches out towards him only for his Guardian to surge forward and catch Riku in its arms.</p><p>“Oh,” Terra says as the Guardian picks Riku up and then sets him down in front of Terra. “Sorry.”</p><p>“No, it’s fine,” Riku says, looking up at the Guardian. “So I take it you figured out what you were running from?”</p><p>Terra nods. “And I stopped running.”</p><p>The smile Riku gives him, dripping with sweat and exhausted from his own fight, makes Terra’s stomach flip with an emotion he feels unfamiliar with. “That’s good, Terra. I’m glad.”</p><p>“You don’t think it’s…weird?” Terra asks, glancing back at the Guardian.</p><p>Riku shakes his head. “Ansem had the Guardian because he had <em>you</em>. The Guardian doesn’t scare me.”</p><p>It’s not like Terra really needed the validation from Riku, but it’s nice to have it. “I left Ashe and Fran to fight with whatever the Piscodaemon summoned for Ashe, but the Piscodaemon is already defeated. Ready to head back?”</p><p>“Definitely.”</p><p> </p><p>-.-</p><p> </p><p>They’re part way through Feywood when Terra collapses. He remembers his vision going fuzzy, remembers the world spinning, and when he comes to it’s with his head in Ashe’s lap as she presses a hand with light spilling forth against his forehead. He blinks a few times, his brain turning her face into Aqua’s and then back again.</p><p>“Easy,” she says, placing a head against his chest as he goes to sit up. “Your body is readjusting still. I’m helping balance your heart back out.”</p><p>“That sounds bad,” he says, voice rough.</p><p>She shakes her head. “Not really. You’ll be fine once your body is used to this creature being inside you again, but the strain just got to be too much.”</p><p>“It was always inside me,” Terra says without thinking. “I’ve just been running from it.”</p><p>“Accepting things like that still changes how your body deals with the darkness,” she says. “But I wouldn’t worry about having these troubles in the future, unless you really over-extend yourself. There are quite a few people, outside of just the Viera, who are like you.”</p><p>“That’s comforting.” Terra turns his head to see a crackling fire place with Riku and Fran sitting on the other side of it, both looking as tired as he feels. He looks back up at Ashe. “That man you were fighting…the one the Piscodaemon summoned?”</p><p>“Ah,” Ashe says. She brings her hand away from his forehead. “My former husband. He died in a war years ago. It likely summoned something that looked like him so that I would struggle to fight.”</p><p>“Did you?” he asks.</p><p>“Yes,” Fran answers when Ashe starts to shake her head. Ashe narrows her eyes as she looks across the fire at Fran but when Terra looks at Fran, she just rolls her eyes. “There is no sense in lying, and there is nothing wrong with struggling. Truly, Humes can be so prideful.”</p><p>“I’m a Princess of Heart,” Ashe starts.</p><p>“That doesn’t mean you can’t struggle,” Terra says and Ashe looks back down at him. “I met a lot of Princesses of Heart. They’ve all struggled. It’s okay. I mean I know we’re all basically strangers still so maybe it’s harder to admit to us but…it’s fine.”</p><p>Ashe sighs and returns her hand to his forehead, calming light spilling forth. “I suppose.”</p><p>“I don’t understand something,” Riku says. When Terra turns his head to look at him, he’s not looking at any of them, his gaze fixed on the fire. “I expected the Piscodaemon to summon a creature that looked like my best friend but I wasn’t expecting it to summon something that looked like my younger self.”</p><p>“It was before Ansem possessed you, right?” Terra asks.</p><p>Riku looks up. “Right before. That was the age I was when he did.”</p><p>“I don’t know your whole story, so perhaps I’m wrong,” Ashe says. “But I think…in many ways, those of us who go through struggles, and trauma even, when we are young…we wish to protect that younger self. We look back at those memories and wish someone had protected us, so by summoning your younger self, or rather, something that <em>looked</em> like your younger self, the Piscodaemon was hoping to make you hesitate to harm it. No one wants to inflict pain on someone who’s already been through enough, least of all themselves.”</p><p>Her words are met with silence at first, but Terra can tell from Riku’s expression that they seem to resonate with him. Looking up at Ashe though, he can see the embarrassment in her face for just a moment before she notices him looking and her face becomes impassive once more. Being royalty must be tough, he thinks.</p><p>“If I’ve overstepped-“ Ashe starts.</p><p>“You haven’t,” Riku says. “What you said makes a lot of sense. I have a lot to think about myself too, I think. Perhaps there are things I haven’t yet healed myself.”</p><p>“The advantage of fighting the Piscodaemon is it lays things bare for you that you haven’t wanted to face,” Fran says.</p><p>“If there is such a thing as an advantage to a Piscodaemon,” Ashe says, lips twisting into a wry smile. “Are you feeling better now, Terra?”</p><p>She pulls her hand back and Terra takes a deep breath before pushing himself upright. The world doesn’t spin. His vision doesn’t go spotty. And more than that, the sense of impending anxiety that’s dogged him since the moment Sora saved his heart and gave him his body back seems to be nowhere. The darkness he’s been so afraid of is his now. His to control. His to protect himself with.</p><p>“Yeah. I feel a lot better.”</p>
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